The Hum Read online

  Squeezing a little harder for added emphasis, Kevin replied, “Only if you promise to leave me and my friends alone for good.”

  “I…I promise! Now, let me go.”

  Releasing his grip, Kevin let Wayne fall to the ground. For the next few minutes, Wayne clutched his throat, gasping for breath. Without a word, Kevin turned and walked back to his bedroom. Glancing back occasionally, he saw Wayne finally make it back up onto his knees. His face was beet red with tear streaked cheeks and many still dripping off his chin. He looked a mess, and Kevin imagined he looked even worse.

  Things changed for a while around the farm for the Black brother’s after their big fight. Even though Kevin had been on the receiving end of many of his older brother’s blows, he’d also earned some respect from Wayne. His big brother had ceded to the death grip he had on his head and neck, and that gave the older boy cause for alarm. Still, the reprieve was only temporary. Wayne kept it all bottled inside until about two months later, when he saw an opportunity and seized upon it.

  Staring out from the top of the hill overlooking the farm, Kevin was unaware that Wayne was even in the area. The hill descended sharply about five hundred feet, and actually provided an incredible sleigh ride during the winter months—one of the reasons Kevin loved the place so much. It also offered an incredible view of the farm and everything surrounding it. Kevin was known to spend hours up there just taking in the scenery, which is most likely where Wayne had gotten the idea to shove him over in the first place.

  By the time Kevin heard Wayne sneak up behind it, it was already too late. He was in mid-turn when Wayne rammed into him, sending him palmal over the hill. He rolled headfirst about fifty times by his estimate, before finally slamming into a large oak tree on the left side of the hill. The pain in his arm was intense, the sound of breaking bones and the feeling of one of the lower hanging branches slamming into his right side nauseating. The impact quickly knocked him out cold.

  When Kevin came to, he was lying in his own bed with his mom by his side. Through blurred vision he spied his broken arm in a cast, and his head hurt like the dickens.

  “What…what happened? Where…where am I?” Kevin managed to ask, through dry, chapped lips.

  “It’s alright, baby. You fell down that hill behind the farm, and broke your arm. No matter how many times I warned you to be careful back there, you wouldn’t listen. You just loved that view too much to stay away.”

  “Who found me?” Kevin asked, realization finally

  dawning as to what really happened.

  “Wayne came running, saying something about you rolling down the hill. Your dad loaded you up on the four-wheeler, brought you back here to the house, and then we took you to the doctor.”

  Kevin couldn’t believe Wayne would stoop to such depths as to shove him over the hill. Over the past few years, he’d prayed on numerous occasions for their little tiff to finally be over, and he was just beginning to think it was. Now, he knew otherwise. Wayne had just been biding his time, looking for the perfect opportunity for payback.

  During the next few months of healing, Kevin kept a wary eye out for his brother. He knew this was just the beginning of their little dance.

  Breaking Kevin’s arm by sending him rolling down the hill didn’t completely ease the anger in Wayne’s heart for his younger brother. Sure, he left him alone for a few months, but soon after his arm healed, Wayne was back to giving the same dirty looks and making his little smart aleck remarks every chance he got.

  Life was beyond uncomfortable for Kevin around the farm, and he didn’t know what to do, who to turn to. He knew he couldn’t tell his parents, because his dad thought the world of Wayne. It was no secret that Wayne was the harder worker and the stronger of the two. He even knew how to drive the old tractor that Kevin could never seem to get the hang of. Kevin had already tried avoiding his older brother altogether, but even that didn’t work. What would it take to stop Wayne’s madness?

  Kill him, Kevin heard inside his head. The humming was back again, and this time he had to run to bathroom to stop the nose bleed that accompanied it. Looking in the mirror, he no longer saw the young, innocent eyes of a child; anger had taken away that innocence, his brother had stolen it from him. His small frame began to tremble with fear, as he entertained the idea of killing Wayne.

  Not knowing any other way to deal with his situation, Kevin decided to confront Wayne once again. He waited until their free day on Sunday during their parent’s normal nap hiatus. As he made his way to his brother’s room, his heart was thumping loudly once again, and he prayed things would somehow work out in his favor.

  Tapping lightly on the closed door, he said, “Wayne, it’s me. Can I come in?”

  “No, you can’t! You can stay in your own room, and out of mine!”

  Ignoring his brother’s words, he entered anyway. “All of this has to stop, Wayne. I’m not sure why things have gone this far, but this is way out of control. I’m sorry for hitting you with the pennies. Can’t we act like normal brother’s that actually care for each other?”

  “But I don’t care about you, little brother”. Once again Wayne’s words were covered in anger and hate, and Kevin quickly saw things going south.

  “What did I do to you that was so bad, Wayne? What?”

  “You were born! I never wanted a little brother, anyhow! Why don’t you just disappear? You should run away, and never return!”

  CHAPTER 3

  Kevin was more than a little hurt by Wayne’s admission that he wasn’t wanted. Not knowing what else to do, he turned and left the room without another word. When he got back to his own room, despair settled in, and he started entertaining Wayne’s idea of running away.

  Maybe I could run off to Santa Fe and live on the streets there. The town is a good two hour’s drive south, and the other kids at school have nothing but good things to say about the area. They have a Wal-Mart, so that’s a plus. Or maybe I could move in with Tommy and his family. Would they allow me to stay with them, if I told them the truth? They’d probably just call my parents, and then everything would come out in the open. But was that really such a bad idea? What if mom and dad do find out?

  Kevin quickly dismissed the idea of moving in with Tommy. He couldn’t bring anyone else in on his madness, his personal hell. He continued wrestling with the nightmare his life had become, until he finally fell asleep from exhaustion.

  Hearing movement inside his room, Kevin slowly opened his eyes, rubbing the sleep from them as he did so. He saw the pillow coming towards his face just in time to turn on his side and bound out of bed. When he got to his feet, he saw his brother Wayne with that same maniacal look in his eyes, coming after him with pillow in hand.

  “What are you doing, Wayne?”

  Whispering, Wayne said, “I just thought I’d help make you disappear. Think about this for a minute, Kevin. If you’re dead, you won’t have to constantly be looking over your shoulder. You won’t have to worry about what I will do next. Because I can guarantee you that I won’t stop until you’re gone.”

  “Do you even hear yourself? You’re talking about killing your own brother, your only sibling. Have you lost your mind?”

  “I’m well aware of what I’m doing here, Kevin. Now, lie down and go peacefully.”

  Seeing that his brother had finally lost it, Kevin knew he had to get out of there, quick. Noticing his old wooden bat lying off to his right side, he made a lunge for it. With slugger in hand, he turned to swing it on Wayne, but his brother was no longer there. All he heard was the sound of his bedroom door closing, as Wayne slipped out.

  With pure adrenaline flowing through his veins, he gathered himself up off the floor, and collapsed on the bed, in a heap. And then he started to cry. All the years of anguish at dealing with Wayne flooded out through his eyes, soaking his pillow. He cr
ied for what seemed like an eternity, until he heard his mom calling from downstairs, saying dinner was ready.

  When Kevin made it to the table for dinner, his mom immediately asked, “Are you okay, son?”

  “I’m just not feeling too good.”

  “I hope you’re not coming down with something.” Wayne decided to take another jab, as he said,

  “Maybe it was from that pillow fight we had earlier.”

  Giving him a look of death, Kevin said, “Pillow fights are better when you actually know you’re having one.”

  No one else in the room but Wayne understood the comment, but Kevin didn’t care. He decided that very minute that he would find a way to end their little game for good. The humming inside his head seemed to take on a joyful note once he made the decision to take Wayne’s life; almost as if it were celebrating the idea.

  About three months later, Kevin happened upon a pile of rat poisoning that his dad had put out to keep the rodents away from the straw they’d stored up to feed the cattle through the winter. He’d seen movies where the stuff had been used to poison humans, so he thought it might work on Wayne. He quickly dismissed the idea, and was actually a little ashamed that he’d even thought of it in the first place. Later that same afternoon, Wayne tripped him and shoved him headfirst into the back door as they were coming in from the fields.

  Sitting on his bed rubbing his head, Kevin plotted how to get the poison into Wayne’s food. For dinner that night he volunteered to help set the table. He’d snuck out earlier, taken six pellets of the rat poisoning, grinded them down into a greenish looking powder, and placed it in a small crayon box from his room. “Can I go ahead and scoop everyone’s food onto their plates, mom?”

  “I usually like to let everyone serve themselves, Kevin. You never know who wants what around here.”

  “Please, just this one time, mom?”

  “I guess so, since you’ve been such a big help with dinner tonight.”

  Making sure his back was to his mom, Kevin quickly scooped Wayne out a hearty helping of chicken, and mashed potatoes filled with rat poison. With the contents of the crayon box completely emptied out in the potatoes, he quickly stirred them up, to hide his sin.

  When his dad prayed a blessing over the food, he almost lost his nerve and called the whole thing off. But seeing the smirk on Wayne’s face as he looked over at him caused him to dismiss his doubt. Wayne tore into the chicken and potatoes with such vigor that Kevin actually began to wonder if he’d put enough poison in them.

  Throughout the meal, and afterwards while they had dessert, Kevin kept a watchful eye on his brother. When he saw Wayne grab his stomach, he prayed no one would figure out what he’d done. The guilt and fear held him in its grasp for many long hours following the dreadful episode.

  As the night droned on, Wayne eventually excused himself for a bathroom break. That break lasted over twenty minutes, the longest twenty minutes of Kevin’s life. His mind ran through a gambit of thoughts on what was going on behind that closed door, none of which brought him joy.

  “Are you okay in there, boy? Your dessert’s getting cold. You can’t let apple pie sit out like this, son.” Kevin’s dad yelled, causing him to jump.

  Kevin immediately pictured Wayne lying face down next to the toilet, dead.

  When no reply came, his father got up to investigate.

  Kevin listened in, as chaos broke out in the Black home. He heard his dad yell for his mom, but everything around him felt surreal. He now imagined Wayne collapsed dead in the floor near the toilet, with his dad holding his head in his lap. He was snapped out of his trance by his dad shouting for him to help carry Wayne to his room.

  After laying Wayne’s weakened body onto his bed, Kevin felt the full brunt of what he’d done. While his dad thought Wayne was coming down with the flu or something and just needed to sleep it off, Kevin knew the truth. He looked down at his older brother before exiting the room, and the humming planted a thought in his head, at least now I won’t have to worry about locking my door at night. You had it coming!

  It was different this time too—it was peaceful almost, satisfied.

  Emboldened by the thought of finally being able to live a normal childhood, Kevin smiled a bit at the knowledge of what he’d done. Sure, he still felt guilty, but at least he didn’t have to look over his shoulder every minute of the day and night. The added bonus of seeing Wayne in his current state was that it seemed to make the horrible humming sound in his ears happy, and for that Kevin was thankful.

  The chaos throughout the old farmhouse was worse the next morning when his mom went in to wake Wayne for school. Kevin heard the yelling, but he couldn’t force his legs to move in that direction. Heart pounding and sweat breaking out all over his body, Kevin felt plastered to his small bed. A few minutes elapsed before his mom burst through his door and frantically yelled, “Kevin, didn’t you hear me? I need you to go to the fields and get your father, now!” It was obvious that his mom was losing it, and Kevin knew the reason why before she even said it. He

  did his best to put on a look of concern.

  “Tell him to come immediately! It’s an emergency; Wayne’s not breathing!”

  Feigning surprise, Kevin said, “What?” “Just go get your dad, Kevin! And hurry!”

  Kevin ran out the door to look for his dad, and settled into a slow jog once he made it out of view from the farm. A myriad of emotions attacked him as he made his way through the tall fields of wheat.

  Guilt was ever present in his heart, but it was slowly being replaced with relief, and dread was also creeping in; he wondered what the future looked like without Wayne to help out on the ranch. He also dreaded the funeral, and having to look upon his brother’s dead body. Acceptance finally made its way into his mind, when he saw his dad’s old tractor plowing down the straw.

  It wasn’t long after Wayne died that their father decided to move to Michigan, of all places. Kevin understood the logic of moving to get away from the bad memories, but why all the way up to the land of cold and misery? He was accustomed to the heat in Taos, and the thought of moving so far away and living in a place where it snowed in feet and not in inches, didn’t sound very appealing to the soon-to-be nine-year-old.

  CHAPTER 4

  Kevin still felt guilty for killing his brother—almost twenty-two years later—even though he didn’t think he had a choice at the time. He had to stop the humming and end the angst of being in the same room with Wayne, and at the time, he fully believed it was the only way.

  There were many sleepless nights for Kevin over the years, plenty of nightmares about killing Wayne, and the others of course. Living with the guilt of taking someone’s life is almost impossible to overcome, doublefold when it’s one of your own family members. In one of the many bad dreams he had afterwards, Kevin even allowed Wayne to smother him to death with that pillow. It was the only way he thought he’d be able to clear his conscience, to wash his hands and actually be clean for a change.

  For the first few years following Wayne’s demise, Kevin showered viciously in an attempt to clean himself of his sin; almost to the point of removing skin. He refused to look at any of his brother’s old photos around their new home in Michigan after he thought he saw Wayne reach out to grab hold of him. That image was often rehashed in his nightmares as well, and it was normally the one that scared him the most.

  It wasn’t until Kevin started college that he found other ways of putting his brother’s death—murder—behind him. He drank, rebelled against his parents, and partied every chance he got, in an effort to hide the ever present guilt in his heart. It didn’t help much that his dad seemed to spend more and more of his time hunting at some cabin in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan with a few of his buddies. He was rarely around, making it easy for Kevin to become the smart mouthed punk that he now was.r />
  CHAPTER 5

  A young policeman appeared at the door of the ambulance and assisted the EMT in getting him out and into the hospital proper. As they wheeled him in through the double doors, Kevin came back to the present, albeit a little heavier at heart.

  Kevin didn’t know why they were going through all the trouble of taking him to see a doctor, because he felt fine. The only thing he could figure was that they’d found him knocked out and decided he needed further evaluation. Maybe they feared a possible lawsuit against the city if he ended up with a brain aneurysm or something.

  It took a good four hours for the hospital to run the necessary tests on him, to ensure he was okay. Once they gave the policeman the thumbs up, the young officer made his way over to Kevin, and said, “Well it looks like it’s off to jail for you.”

  “But I didn’t do anything. I already told you that I heard Amanda screaming and went running into her apartment to help her. When I entered into her bedroom, she’d already been stabbed.”

  “What about your blood all over her, Mr. Black? And the bruises on your forehead?”

  “My nose started bleeding. Look, it happens to me quite often.”

  “What about the bruises?”

  “That I’m not too sure about. The last thing I remember was having this awful migraine headache, and then it felt like I ran into a tree.” Kevin knew the truth, but he wasn’t about to tell a policeman that he decided to intentionally headbutt the bedpost to relieve his aching head. They’d send him right back to the nuthouse in Michigan, and that’s the last place he wanted to be.